sometimes, we forgot how strong we are. mankind is an incredible, magnificent race. we are from million years of evolution and revolution, we are consisted of the perfect combination of brute strength and wisdom. we've seem how we conquered the world, displaced other species and races in the process, just because we can. as a species, we're pretty much up there. we have system, viable, understandable system, unlike any other known creature. of course we've seen stupidity prevails in lines oh human heritage, but at the end of the day, we hold on one principle in which we silently agreed upon; the fittest will survive, the weakest will get behind and left to fend for themselves. and as social animals, we need each other to grow and expand, in most magical way.

and in the face of hardship and desperation, most of us came out survived and triumphant. the fittest ones. a housewife in her 40's, lift a 3000 pound car when the vehicle collapsed on her son while repairing it. aron ralston of the famous climber in 127 hours cut his own hand using blunt objects to escape from a boulder that fell on him. we heard these kind of stories over and over again, being broadcasted in many different medias. but, are we really?

to be honest, i have never really been tested. some famous overwritten quote I've seen in seen in so many articles is a virtue never tested is no virtue at all. i agreed, because we never know something until it come along, including ourselves. you don't know how would you do when you breaking up with a beloved person, or things, or animals. or when facing with a tough choice which require your full selves. but then again, each of us have our own limit. it might be mine is more than somebody else. i might prevail and all intact in stressful and breaking situation, you might not. you maybe could run for miles in the face of danger, but i certainly would give up and let whatever thing chases us devour me, or surprisingly i'd turned into a green-eyed monster and push you sideways for me to be able to run myself. we don't really know.

i'm just saying, that there is a lot of things happened to me. things i don't expect, less ready to accept. things i've realized that before this i've been disillusioned by some veil, i can't see. i see karma rolling its wheel, i see qada' and qadar in the picture putting the pieces to my fate and i see myself in the middle of this chaotic organization.

i'm just here to rationalize. i don't mean to wallow in misery, the "oh my life's hard","my sufferings art greater than thee, thou art miniscule". it's just that, i see road ahead of me and i see them so far and bleak. i can't see anything possible. like in a mario world, an evil tortoise come out of nowhere and i can step on it for it to go away. okay maybe it is wrong to based my whole life on a level of some stupid game and crazy italian plumber.

maybe, i suffered from watching too much movies and listening to too much mellow songs. tom hansen of 500 days of summer suffered the same thing. i've been watching all kind of movies since i was six years old. all kind of genre, languages, period and colour. unlike some of my peers, i value movies and good songs in the core. i broke tear in so many movies, some didn't really make sense. i cried to songs before, many many times. maybe my core is too soft. i expect too much, and if there is one thing we all would love to believe in is one happy ending. less than that is a build up, a climax, a crisis and a resolution, which would make a very good movie. we believe in happy ending. we believe in the soundtrack of our lives, we are taught to felt this way when certain thing happened. we had our songs for every situations, even the awkward one. we believe, like a movie plot, happiness is one click away, one tower away, one block of apartment away, one prison cell away. we believe that there is somewhere right now, is working to get our stories right, back in pace.

which is why i hate when the protagonist dies. because, in that millisecond of shock and surprise, i realized...the reality is much, much worse...and i'm living in it.

g